Friday 2 September 2016

Should I Bring Wine?

Should I bring wine?

Stephanie had never had a boyfriend. Never, at all, and it was not for want of trying. In secret diaries she kept as a child she would obsessively write the names of boys for whom she frequently earned. Micheal Stevenson, James Buckley, Harry Fishborn, Keith Reynolds, David Evans, Sam Shields, Chris Emery, Sebastian Drummand, the list goes on.

Oh how I would like to find that love, the kind of which you see in movies, like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in the film about the bookshops she would write.

As is often the case for certain individuals like Stephanie, as she grew older, still did she fail to participate in relations with the opposite sex. Unlike all her school friends, university alumni and work colleagues who had seemed to romance effortlessly and successfully over the years, Stephanie had never experienced an intimate touch, and longed fervently to do so.

Now it’s not that Stephanie was unattractive in appearance or person. She was, actually perfectly charming and sort of beautiful. Her face was symmetrical, her skin unblemished, her hair full, and her body taut and curvy. She was, for all intense and purposes attractive, though you and I both realize this is entirely subjective. The only incongruity of Stephanie was the corpse of her deceased conjoined twin brother Matthew, still attached to her side, just as he was the day they were born. Although she could always easily explain this condition, and give reason to the fact why he was still attached, it seemed even civilized men could not accept her benign affliction; regardless of the detail that most of her internal organs were actually harbored inside his torso, like multicolored sausages thumbed carefully into a packet. In fact, the only organ, she could truly call her own, was her heart.

The Doctors had always floundered, calling specialists and experts, fascinated and desperate to be the solution to her problems. As a child she was injected, plumbed into, microscoped and probed. Examined, transacted, portered and marveled at. As a teenager she was toured globally and featured on a veritable plethora of media from magazines to television. Then, finally, as an adult, when all the interest had well and truly troughed, she was simply told there was nothing that could be done. Medical science had apparently not yet caught up, and so she must learn to accept what it was about her that had always been a defining feature. And that is what she did. She began to accept this truth and in doing so found the courageousness needed to change it, for Stephanie had a plan.

The mitigating circumstance for her failure in love, it would seem, was Matthew, and as she couldn’t do without him, she would have to do with him. Though his mind had long been dead, his body was still plush and full of blood. His heart didn’t beat, but hers took care of that. His muscles were wasted, but she could still move each limb. In other terms, she would have to improvise.

Now, I don’t know if you are well versed in the world of online promiscuity, but through years of necessity, Stephanie was. She had never made an account on any website that openly advertised it’s cause to unite single people with various sexual desires, but she had been an outside observer, able to log on for hours at a time as a voyeur. She could look in on chat rooms, view various accounts and learn the ways of contemporary digital sex. These binary compilations of lonely human beings were completing tantalizing and oh so alluring to Stephanie. So, much so that now, after years of simply watching on, she took out her credit card and began to interact.

Now I don’t need to revel or divulge each and every version of all things that every hanky-panky site might have. That would be too crude for you and I, and I feel as though we’re mutually decided on that. But what you do need to know, if you don’t already, is that there are three types of account one can open on such sites: Single, couple, or group. Single means you are you, and only you, and you’d like to do what ever you might like to do with other humans of various genders in various volumes. Group means that you, and perhaps polyamorous friends and or partners may like to bulk up their numbers at the fortnightly sex-fest. Neither of these options were part of Stephanie’s plot. So she typed in her details and opened an account, for her, and Matthew, her “boyfriend”.

Romantic couple living in the West of England looking for casual fun and good times with like minded people. Open to suggestions, and interested mainly in men.

Having already dressed, groomed and opened Matthews’s eyes, she added false teeth, makeup and a celoptaped expression to his face. Once satisfied, she laid herself and her imagined lover onto their bed. Then, with iphone in hand she began to take photographs. She added filters, and lowered the contrast, not only suggesting of promiscuity, but aliveness in her corpse bait. And as unbelievable all this may seem, it would not do so if you could view her inbox but only 24 hours later.

118 Unread Messages.

I’m David. Slim, tall, blonde. Looking to hook up with a couple for good conversation and even better sex. I’m from Manchester, so not too far away! Give me a message back if you’re interested.

Hey. My names Steve, I’m open to all sorts, and you guys look like my kinda thing. If you’ve never had another guy involved, I’d love to be the first.

Hot. Horny. Ready. Call me. Number Attached.

Overwhelmed by the response, Stephanie beamed as she replied with additional details and requests. Forty-seven messages later, Stephanie had relished in preparing her honey and picking her fly. Until finally, she found François, a young French man from Blajan, visiting his sick uncle in Nottingham. He seemed a nice choice. Excellent in fact. In fact, perfect.

Dear François. Matthew and I would be very pleased to meet you. We live alone, and are fine with you popping down for a visit. If you’re available tonight, then we would love to see you ASAP. You might find this strange, but we like to play games. I noticed from your profile, you are of a similar persuasion. See the address attached below, and follow these instructions: The door will be open. Come into the house. Walk up the stairs and enter the first room on the left. By the light of the candles, we’d like to watch you undress. Then, if you’re as adventurous as you say you are, put on the blindfold, and climb into our bed.

A mere fifteen seconds later came the reply…


Should I bring wine?

Thursday 28 January 2016

TigerFace Day 2: What Did You Want To Be When You Grew Up?


What Did You Want To Be When You Grew Up?


This is the question I started off asking myself today. I ended up putting it out there on Facebook, and to my total surprise got a loooooad of amazing answers (all of which I will share at some stage, possibly in piechart form).

As an adult that works with children on a regular basis, it's a question I always hesitate to ask.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

As if there is but one almighty answer, and it should be practical, achievable and within the realms of your given talents and abilities. The tubby fat boy can't say Olympian. The speckie freckly ginger girl can't say model. The dumb kid should avoid saying Doctor and no one can say astronaut, because whats the point? Our adult cynical selves might think.

"A dinosaur" a child might respond, and we might reply "Aw that's sweet, but no, what really?"

The question it's self also alludes a greater more philosophical view point that perhaps we shouldn't really be any one thing. But the obvious nature of our indoctrinated predetermination from gender (boys = blue and army. Girls = pink and barbie) to race, from sexuality (You're a male nurse... And you're straight, right?!) to nationality influence our place within the social and economical structures we live and exist in. Career planning, mortgages, lifestyle, location they all revolve around this predetermination. From being asked this question in Primary School to doing Work Experience in Secondary School.

Regardless of whether or not you think the question is a good one (and there is an awesome TED Talk all about it by Emili Wapnick, check it out here) it's one we've probably all been asked and all have an answer for.


I didn't want to be a "theatre maker", mainly because I didn't know what that was, but I didn't want to be an actor or a performer or an entertainer or even an artist really.

I wanted to be one specific man from an insert out of the Kays Catalogue. He was tall, blonde, roguishly handsome, clean cut and clean shaven. He was in a full grey suit with a blue tie, holding briefcase and was in mid-stroll down a busy high-street. I found a similar looking location in my local town of Oswestry and used to actually fantasise about being this man when I was older, to the point I almost convinced myself the man in the catalogue was my older self. I imagined and measured my future success based on how close to that image I would come. I wanted the smarts for business and the looks for lady hunting. I wanted the papers and files that would fill the briefcase, and one of those huge mobile phones I'd seen in a movie once. I wanted to be a man about town, a busy city slicker with leather belt and some extremely shiny loafers.

That's the thing I remember wanting to be most vividly, but the absolute truth is the answer would forever change. Sometimes I wanted to be a vet, sometimes an astronaut, sometimes a ballet dancer sometimes a cowboy. My friend Steph will tell you the very first thing I ever wanted to be (and I think we must have been about 4 years old when I said this) was a duck. Yurp.

This isn't me as a child, I mean, I fucking wish, right?!
I'm not a duck, I'm not a cowboy, or an astronaut, a deep sea diver, or a presenter on Blue Peter (that was more Mum's dream for me) and I am certainly not the successful handsome suave businessman from the Kay's catalogue. I actually just laughed a bit typing that. I'm a 28 year old male who is slightly overweight, unfit and out of long/full term employment. I rarely shave or get my hair cut because it feels like an unnecessary expense and I frequently have less than £80 in my bank account. I've never been able to buy myself a suit, unless it's out of a charity shop. I'm not married, I'm single with a string of failed relationships and I don't (and probably will never) have a mortgage. I have no savings, no real assets, no career path set in stone, no office and definitely no briefcase.

I am not what I wanted to be.

...

I've had such fun thinking and writing about this question today. I'd like to DEEEEEPLY thank everyone who put an answer on Facebook. It was really, really, really helpful and it's a strand of this research I'm definitely going to continue.

Without further ado...

Please enjoy this short educational video on the subject, and until next time: Heart and Star.



Mucho,

J


Tuesday 26 January 2016

DAY 1 - TigerFace Residency at Chapter


DAY 1 TigerFace Residency at Chapter


TigerFace - Fuck You

I know right, I can hardly believe it either. Chapter Arts (big thanks to Alice Burrows) have actually given me two weeks of lovely space to work on my long time "in production" piece TigerFace.

For those of you who don't know who TigerFace is; he's an asshole. Really, a crooked, morally corrupt, miserable, nihilistic version of my inner self loathing self.

Presumably a former Children's TV presenter, TigerFace now spends his evenings re-running his old routines, telling the same old jokes and showing you what he made earlier, much earlier, in like, 1997. The problem is his material hasn't changed and for some reason he's stuck performing to adults, and audiences of people he really can't stand.

The truth is, I still don't know what TigerFace is.

It started off as an access tool for me to try unplanned, unorganised and drastically unrehearsed pieces of something in front of an audience at scratch nights, an opportunity to throw shit at the walls and see what happens as well as develop my reflex ability in the arena of unplanned performance.

I bought the suit for something Tin Shed Theatre Co. was doing at the time, and in a moment of thoughtlessness the photographer on the project (the awesome Dafydd Bland Eminent Photography) caught this image:


Upon seeing this podgy, miserable looking tiger man I immediately became compelled to tell his story and find out how someone with such a joyful exterior could really harness some truly terrifying feelings of bitterness and hopelessness.

Today I spent around 5 hours in the space and accomplished a lot in my head, but very little in the physical. I wrote a tiny bit and moved a tiny bit, but mainly juggled rubber eggs... With little success.

So this is me posting blog one of what will be many blogs keeping who ever is interested in the loop with a piece of work I'm really very excited to be finally making.

I'll be posting regularly on Instagram (it's my new favourite social media platform) so get me there if you're interested: Instagram

Or check out updates on my: Website

Anything else you can email me: mejustincliffe@hotmail.co.uk

For now

Mucho

J

<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="6" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BBATTFyDeiv/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Apperently being dressed as tiger doesn&#39;t help me juggle. An almost perfect routine. Getting there. #helpme #juggling #threeeggs #threeballs #juggler #showoff #failure #juggler #tigerface</a></p> <p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A video posted by Justin Teddy Cliffe (@justinosaurusrex) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-01-26T13:56:16+00:00">Jan 26, 2016 at 5:56am PST</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script>